I wrote this a few years ago to entertain my colleagues. Have Fun!
“WE don’t think so”, says our reader surigadu (name changed). This is a common feeling with all the married guys, be it a newly wed or married for a few years. There is a clear distinction between a software engineer’s life before and after marriage. A bachelor techie has a very routine life generally oscillating between boredom and entertainment. On the other hand, a married techie has quite an interesting life with periods of madness often interrupted by extremely boring activities of running a family.
Railways help you understand
This scenario (family life) is best described by one of our experienced uncles, Mr.BRCC (name changed) – married life is like a train with the uncle being the engine and the bogies being the family. But unlike the traditional scenario where the engine pulls all the bogies, the Uncle engine does not pull, it is actually “pushed around” by first – the wife bogie, later – the children bogies and occasionally more bogies are added to increase the burden (headaches) of the uncle engine. These bogies are the friends & families of the couple and the pain factor is that uncle engine never knows when these extra baggage is added, summer time and festival times are ideal scenarios.
Now let’s relate a bachelor life in above terms. The bachelor life is best described as an Engine running riot (with no control) and without any bogies. Obviously this is when you have the most speed, sometimes maybe going too fast. I think, most of the bachelors agree that it’s a directionless travel. So you have all the possibilities of going anywhere (north, south or abroad to USA), but sometimes a bachelor may go nowhere (no job). The bachelor engine has the ability to make his journey (career) faster or slower. He can also occasionally hook onto a girlfriend bogie for extra mileage.
An uncle argues that going too fast may actually derail the entire train. Well if that happens the bachelor engine is alone, while an uncle engine cannot afford to derail and take down all the bogies with it, off the track. What do you think?
The other side of the fence
It’s time FS-Digest also includes opinions and observations from the fairer sex. After all, FS-Digest is equally enjoyed by both men and women. The girls are the primary stakeholders in all the above scenarios. This section can be divided into the girls a.k.a “Heavenly bodies” and the wifes. The former motivates the bachelors to look forward to a married life and the latter (wife) causes an uncle to look backward (with happiness) to the lost bachelorhood.
Truth be told, the ladies have nothing to do with the pitfalls of these men. The men are the sole cause of their own miseries. They loved their freedom (bachelorhood) so much and are not willing to give it up after marriage. They were dumb enough to just look at the outside beauty and in their haste got married, just to realize that it’s not about beauty. It’s all about shopping, relatives and a settled life.
So if you are a woman, be happy that you cannot be blamed. The guys who crib about women are actually contradicting themselves and our “Wife not Knife” theory proves that
“Wife Not Knife” Theory
Girls become wives
Uncles think wives are headaches
Uncles are guys
All Guys love their moms
All moms are also wives.
So all uncles (who think wife is headache) are wrong and big dumbos!! (For contradicting and getting married)
So there you go ladies, we do understand what you are trying to say and our theory explains it all.
This is where I conclude. But how do I conclude? I’m just your everyday bachelor who has too much fun and cannot even imagine the extent of horrors of the married life. I may be right or wrong. But I will say this – I’m a bachelor and sitting at office writing this for that last 3 hours (it’s now 10PM) and meanwhile my married friend has gone home early and is happily rolling out chapattis. Am I having fun? Yes and is he having fun? Yes, its good fun rolling them with your wife.
It’s not about fun; it’s about “all kinds of fun” – the bachelor fun + the married fun. You have to experience both of them. You have to experience everything. YOU HAVE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE.
TABLE OF LIVES
|Typical Day: Morning||– Get up
– Get Milk packet
– Eat breakfast@Home
|– Get Up
– Get Up Finally
– Watch TV, read paper
– Have a smoke (optional)
– Eat anywhere or don’t eat
|Typical Day: Afternoon||– Take out Dabba
– Go up with boss and other Uncles
|– Go out with friends
– Take a ride in bike or car
– Eat Veg or Non – veg
– sleep under a tree
|Typical Day: Night||– start home early
– get stuck in traffic
– go home and make chapattis
– watch news & sleep (10:30)
|– start late
– zoom to home (no traffic)
– go out have dinner (beer optional)
– OR go to Uncles home to have dinner
– watch movie/ comedy/ F-TV
– sleep @ 12
|Typical Day: Office||– Come to office
– stand in line for Free snacks
– Go Home
|– come to office
– send forwards/ view forwards
– laugh at other uncles
– work little
– snacks time
– have lots of coffee
– play TT
– Work, work and work
– Go home at any time
|Weekend||Shopping, big bazaar, food world and for new uncles METRO; visit relatives||Sleep, drink, pubs, maharaja, sleep, sleep, sleep, do nothing, do everything|
|Holiday||Go to wife’s hometown||Go to hometown or Go to goa|
|Skills||Cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, handling wife, trapping innocent bachelors to get married||None!!|