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Posts Tagged ‘love’

This week completes 6 years of married life along with a beautiful 9-month old boy to show how wonderful this journey is and it all started with the truth

 

Photo Courtesy: Sri.ram Creations

 

The Plan

“No, don’t do it man” . Srinivas scolded me. He was my colleague and a good friend.

“I must tell her”. I was adamant, due to a sudden need for righteous.

“If you want to propose  to Sushma , go ahead. But why do you have to tell her about Moushika? You are not in a relationship with her. You were just talking to her on the phone for 2-3 months and going to stop that anyway after you propose to Sushma”

“I see absolutely no reason to tell Sushma about another girl while proposing to her for the first time”. Srinivas said with a look of bewilderment, he could not understand why I planning to ruin a relationship even before it started.

It was true. I wasn’t cheating on Sushma or doing something that I will regret later in life. I met Moushika in an Art of Living class, she was a very nice person. We sat next to each other for the 4 day course and became friendly enough to exchange numbers.

I would call her sometimes and have friendly conversations. Later on I became bold enough to flirt with her over the phone. But it was going nowhere, I wanted a relationship and get married, she was just interested in having friendly conversations over the phone and laugh at my jokes.

That was it.

But somehow I felt and believed that any proposal to Sushma should eventually lead to marriage and I wanted to be completely honest  to my future wife!

“No, I’m going to propose to her today and tell her about the other girl”, I repeated my decision firmly to Srinivas, determined to cleanse my past deeds.

Srinivas was visibly annoyed and realized he could not help avert a disaster.

OK, If you are willing to dig your own grave and bury yourself, go ahead!

The proposal

That evening, I asked Sushma to meet at the coffee shop within our office campus. We talked over the phone just 4 times before that and she agreed to meet me expecting a friendly chat.

The minor details of our chat are a blur to me now, maybe because that moment was so terrifying, I was going to propose to the most important person in my life (at that time) and knew that I would ruin it  with my new-found honesty.

and so it happened…

The conversation started in a  casual tone and I tried to say it many times, the 3 words would almost come out and then I would lose my nerve just to continue blabbering about random stuff. This cycle would repeat and at that time it felt as if I tried saying it a 100 times and chickened out every single time. Finally, I could not hold them any more , I mentioned our recent conversations late into the night over the phone and looked straight into her eyes and said

I like you

There I finally said it. The 3 words to show that you are a cool and confident guy, but secretly meant that I was desperately in love with her and hoped she would feel the same.

But, she did not feel the same way, and to her, we were just friends. That was it.

Everything came crashing down, I’m sitting in front of this beautiful girl who was one of the nicest persons and I could NOT be with her. However, I expected this reply and knew this was true. Now, all the years of frustration and lack of courage to ask a girl out came crashing to me. Yes. I knew it! I would always be the friendly guy to all the girls and never be the man enough to attract them. This felt like someone sucker punched my ego.

Guess where this situation was heading?   I was on the verge of creating history for the worst proposal ever.

The disaster

“I know that you do not feel the same way. You assumed we became good friends because of our deep and long conversations” I was trying to save face by showing off my intuitiveness to read her mind. She was silent. I should have stopped than, but my ego was hurt. So, I rambled on.

“It’s fine, I understand that you don’t have those kind of feelings for me”. I was trying to act casual even while drowning in self-pity.

She looked apologetic. I was getting angry.

“It’s okay Sushma. I knew this would happen. But I didn’t want to just waste our time by continuing this so-called friendship, while secretly hoping to move away from the friend zone. So, I preferred being straight forward”

I was angry now, it was finishing before it even started. Temporary insanity took over and I vented out in frustration,”Look, I’ll make it easy for you to say NO. I’ve actually been talking to another girl for a while” . I said those words slowly and with coldness.  She was shocked. I guess she didn’t expect me to be an ass!

Then I stood up and walked away leaving her there without even a goodbye.

I was mad now and could not believe what happened. The situation was bad before and now it was a disaster.

On the drive home, I could not contain my anger or sorrow and called up Srinivas.

“It’s all over man”

“Why? What happened? What did you do?”

“I proposed to her but she was not ready. I got mad and said that I will make it easy for her to reject me. Then I told her about the other girl and before she could respond, I walked away”

“What!”. He could not believe I would ruin it so badly.

“It’s all over now. Screw it”

to be continued…

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Rhyming across continents

Sushma

It’s Peaceful

Soft music playing

Eyes are misty

But

I don’t need them open

to see you

My fingers caress the air

now and then

I don’t need to actually touch

to feel you

But

My fingers still raise

I know not

Why?

and

Every-time they raise

 a surge,

of love?

Doesn’t matter what

“I smile”

After 4 years

I still feel the same

and

“more”

much more

it is no longer

LOVE

love doesn’t cause this

A

spontaneous welling up,

to my surprise

a drop falls

followed by another

This is not supposed to happen

I’m a man!

strong and willful

But

I now know

finally

what I knew all along

I’m just not in love

this is life

Mine?

no longer

what is life

without

A

Heart

Mine flew with you

So don’t despair

my love

You have company,

It is I

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Simple Truth

 

Words

were always easy

Truth

was always hidden

Simple

as they sound

 

Words pour out

just to

stop

at the edge of my

mouth

 

“Why?”

My Heart demands

“Not Now”

My Brain throws back

“But it is the truth”

 

The struggle

was a year

old

always losing

society, family, religion

were reasons

against it

love

was the only strength

for it

 

Twenty Ten

was all then

Now in ’11

is when

I tell myself

I CAN!

 

Tell

the world

what is

simple and true

in

my words

honest and humble

for

my angel

beautiful and true

 

I, as flawed as possible

love, as more than ever

You, for now and forever

Sushma, the first ray

of

my new dawn!

143

in our code 🙂

 

This was part of Jingle’s Thursday poetry rally.

Thanks Jingle

 

This poem won me the perfect poet award at Jingle’s week 37 Rally. I nominate Kavita for the next week.

 

A poem for you

is worth all the awards from the world

A word from you

is worth all the words from the world

A smile from you

is worth all the happiness from a flower

love from you

is worth all the good things of this life

Two Words

to

Jingle

From US

Thank You!

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Me, my words and Her

 

Every Year

For 30

Always me

Boring me

Selfish me

 

This Year

there’s

NO

me

There’s just

words

sometimes

rhyming

strung together

joining you

and

me

 

Before you

thank

me

know that

this is from

NOT

me

 

An Angel

believed

in

me

Loved me

Helped me

Saved me

She

gliding along

with

her wings of beauty

and

a

heart of gold

Me

and my words

flowing along

up on cloud #9

in

2010

 

 

Image by Iantonana

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I’m growing

This is my life.

It has no meaning,

fast losing hope,

losing the innocence.

 

This is the moment,

the beginning of a turning point.

I’m waking up to the world.

The years of happiness,

play,

care-free are fading into the past.

The bleak future is staring into my eyes.

I have the urge to write my life,

but I lack the heart to write.

What is there to write?

Death – An uncommon thought which is coming up again and again.

The turning point is here.

I wish I can stop.

But wishes will not always come true.

 

I want to stop now.

Go to sleep.

But then, I’ll just realize

that

I lost my dreams too.

I hope this is just for today.

I smile!

I know it is not just for today.

What is the question?

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365 days

since

you said YES

Yesterday,

all it took

was

just a few words

before

NO was said.

 

365 days

at

the-end-of-the-day

always

you say

Yes

 

Today

pick up the phone

and say

YES,I forgive you!

 

Without you

365 minutes

is all

I can stay!

 

Without a YES

there

is NO start to

my day

 

Image from here

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Biking encounters

 

I have my own personal band of philosophy which never exists until I try to explain life to someone else.

The Rule

Consider for a moment that there are 100 people on this planet.

90 of them are just like you and me. They are good-natured, have strengths and weaknesses, done their good to the world, sometimes sinned and hurt people around them. This is the OK and good class of people.

8 of them are bad people. Given a chance, they will not hesitate to cheat you, steal from you, back-stab or cause you misery.

2 of them are really dangerous. They will not hesitate to physically injure or kill you. They are plain evil and cold-blooded.

The 8

The interesting part is that we start any new relationship – love, friendship, business partner, colleague, neighbor, keeping the 8 in our mind.

This new person will have to prove that he/she is not one of the 8 before we can start trusting him/her with our personal information.

But aren’t we wasting time with our suspicion?

What  if we knew that this new person was part of the 90 (just like you and me)?

I’m sure we would be more welcoming, gladly extending our warmth. Soon enough he/she will be part of our life circle.

The dangerous duo

Now the 2 – all our talk about a dangerous world or our children meeting strangers revolves around these 2 dangerous people. But c’mon they are just 2 out of 100, what are the odds that you meet them in your travels or adventures or trekks. Nevertheless the world has suddenly become a dangerous place.

I blame this suspicion and fear on society, newspapers, horror stories. They are full of stories of “the 10”  making that number look like 50 and your own fear (or inherited from parents) will make it into 70.

From 10 to 70! – We do have an active imagination

Its simple math to assume that 90% of your encounters in life will be with decent folks. But if YOU treat all your first encounters with a new person with suspicion, you will miss out in making good friends with most of them.

Guilty until proven innocent

You rather follow the policy of “Innocent until proven guilty” for happier encounters with our fellow human beings.

What the I!!!

Human beings are born with two very important but widely underestimated abilities – Intuition & Instinct

Instinct is something that we are born with, a natural reaction without thinking and Intuition is something we naturally acquire with experience, a judgement based on experience(s) and knowledge.

Trust these two Is more and they will get you away from all the dangerous situations, each one of these will red-mark anyone from the 10!

Hello World

We do have lots of friends. But isn’t that number like 50% (or less) of all the people you have met in life.

I’m not advising you to go out and bring home a stranger or a hitchhiker. All I’m asking you is NOT to become PARANOID!!!!

The world is a good place, filled with lots and lots of decent folks. Just say HI! and mean it:-)

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